I grew up anxious & scared of the world. I would cry when faced with a challenge or a question I didn’t know how to answer. I would lose sleep, lose teeth from grinding too much and fail to keep stable friendships & relationships. I would get overwhelmed when faced with confrontation or any kind of discomfort that I didn’t know how to deal with. It wasn’t until I was 19 years old when I started to consistently go to therapy (I jumped to and from therapists since I was 13 years old) and began to unpack how I lived & how I thought. It was incredibly unpleasant. I realised I was living in fight or flight mode due to unresolved trauma. Any time I was experiencing stress, I would completely melt down.
One thing you’re not taught at school, sometimes by your parents and even society by a general lack of understanding & acceptance, are life skills like managing stress. As Aksara herself has so eloquently put: “Most of us move through life thinking, believing and acting from a place of habit, habits formed in line with belief-systems that were created for us not by us. These stem from early childhood conditioning by our parents, schools, governments, and society.”
Upon the rollercoaster of therapy
Upon the rollercoaster of therapy, where I would miss sessions when things got too intense to actively journaling everyday & doing the work, I slowly began to explore my deep-rooted emotional trauma & conditioning. And I was learning to unlearn.
Through Cognitive Behavioural Therapy I was able to find some ground with my trauma to be able to understand it more to be able to deal with it going forward. I had to find ways to expel intense emotions of anxiety, overwhelm, anger & stress and rewire my brain & response to situations. But when you come from an emotionally unstable home where you are conditioned to living in fight or flight mode and stress is your everyday, it is incredibly difficult to overcome what you know and try to explore new ways of living. I was fortunate enough to have a great support network and find great online communities that encouraged this positive work. To this day, I am still working on this.
All our experiences shape us into who we are, how we act and what we believe. I think it is incredibly important to take note of ourselves when we feel heightened emotions, especially when stress can be a mental illness & can affect us so severely. Dr. Nicole LePera so perfectly wrote, “The most powerful people understand it is their own mind that creates the meaning behind every life experience”.
Where do we go from here?
So how can we better our reactions? How can we better our coping mechanisms? How can we get on top of everyday stress? How can we re-parent ourselves?
I believe, by physically & mentally unpacking our emotional response when we experience stress. Now please don’t self-deprecate and think, “oh but I don’t have a mental illness” or “my situation isn’t that bad, it’s only a little bit of stress”. We all may experience stress everyday. From the little things to the severe situations. It’s on a spectrum. Every person is different, and stress can manifest in different ways for all of us, even if you don’t realise it.
“Our sympathetic nervous system is our fight or flight response. When our sympathetic nervous system is activated our body feels like we are in true danger. For many of us, who live with stress, we have chronic sympathetic nervous system activation” – Dr Nicole LePera.
If you feel overwhelmed at work, or are having a tough week, here are some healthy & positive responses to stress that you can implement into your life, regardless of stress severity to better your general wellbeing:
Some instant practises, for yourself & for others:
- Notice Your Body
I mean it, are your muscles tense? Are you fidgeting? Are you nail biting? Are you ceased up like a statue? That is your subconscious affecting your body, saying your mind is stressed. Breathe deeply & release. - Quickly Take Stock
“What is it that could be making me stressed?”, “Has something happened that is out of my control?”, “Have I eaten enough?”, “Have I slept enough?” “What about my diet?”. If everything is normal, or at least stable, then there has been a deep emotional trigger. This is where you have to walk yourself through what has just happened to cause this emotional response, write it down and unpack it. - Breath Work
This has helped me deeply. One deep breath in through the nose, and just when you think you can’t get any more in, breathe more in till you feel so full. Then hold it and don’t move. You will feel your tongue lift to the top of your mouth and chest expand greatly like a penguin. Hold it for 5 seconds and exhale the loudest sigh you possibly can. Make noise and move with your breath. Repeat this until you feel calm. - Nurturing Self-Talk
Something difficult to get used to, for sure. The idea of telling myself I am worthy? I am capable? Hard. It’s a working progress. The first time you talk to yourself, it’s pretty weird. But keep at it and that power & confidence will grow. - Cry
The MOST cathartic release, next to breath work. There is no shame in an emotional release. Crying is so good for the body, see Sara Kuburic‘s post on crying.
Timely practices:
- Pick Up a Hobby
This has been my biggest savour. In the past three years I have fallen deep into the craft hole. I now do Macrame, Weaving & Punch Needling in my spare time to practice mindfulness, stress management & self-care. I actually run a small fibre art business now because of my love for crafts where I design, create, sell & teach. For you it may be gardening, reading, or cooking. Whatever it is that brings you a little peace, I highly recommend you commit to it. It will be the best investment of your spare time. - Listen to a Podcast
Listening to people talk calmly and engagingly through my ears helps ground me. It helps takes my roaring internal dialogue calm down. Or, just listen to your favourite playlist. Something that soothes the soul. - Keep a Mood Diary & Journal
Engaging in writing down our emotions is not only cathartic & grounding but super practical as a means of staying on top of things, noting the triggers and taking stock of the situations. - Meditate
My top dog answer for stress-induced insomnia. I highly recommend watching ‘Headspace: Guide to Meditation’ on Netflix or download their app. It takes time but trust the process. Check out Instagram & YouTube for lots of different guided meditations. · Therapy. Seek out a therapist or group therapy and put in the work! Sanvello is a great alternative, like a mini therapist in your pocket there when you need it. It contains vital information, support & tools such as a mood diary, meditations, resources, mental health check ins and SO much more. It is accessible, affordable and incredibly helpful. - Educate Yourself
Do. The. Work. For yourself & for others. Pull yourself up when you think negatively or react in a negative way. Pull others up when they do the same. The more we are aware, the better our collective mental health & society will become. Mind Charity breaks down mental illness & experiences in a way that is easy to understand and relate to. Read some self-help books. Don’t be embarrassed by that either, think “I am taking charge of my present for the betterment of my future”. Instagram can be educational as well. I recommend following some modern therapists online and saving their content to read & mentally download.
When you open yourself up to growth & self-exploration, it makes you more present, grounded and in the moment. Remember, knowledge is power. So, get to know yourself in and out, learn what works for you to adapt your mental health tool kit and you will thrive no matter what situation you are faced with.
Jo Woodford
Originally from Aberdeen, Scotland, Jo is a creative living in Cambridgeshire, an advocate for self-expression & how crafts have helped her to better her mental health. Here to share her account & her action on stress management, this is Jo’s lived experience and only her opinion upon this matter. Jo understands stress can be a result of many different factors, but she has chosen to focus on conditioning & emotional abuse. Jo hopes everyone can adopt these incredibly powerful & positive measures into their lives, regardless of stress severity & cause. Find out more about Jo and her work via her website Eclectic Stone Studio, or follow her journey via Instagram.